A long way
by stargateloversg1
Summary: The following chapters are going to be short follow ups of certain episodes and mostly Sam/Jack centered. I have no idea where this is going but hopefully somewhere good This chapter takes place after coming back from Simarka, the planet where Sam had been abducted and traded. The team gets together for a team-evening which ends in a conversation between Sam and Colonel O'Neill.
1. Jacket

It was one of the first team evenings of many, O'Neill came up with the idea to meet up after some missions to relax and calm down from all the trouble they had. This evening they met at the Colonel's house. It was still warm despite the early stages of the year, and they sat comfortably outside on the back porch drinking, eating the things the Colonel managed not to burn and talking about the mission they just came back. Daniel was – as always – fascinated how cultures that were originally from earth had spread to other planets, O'Neill ridiculed their way of living and praised Sam for helping the women on the planet to have a more comfortable life. Teal'c's comments were rare but always brought a new depth into the discussion.

Night was falling when Daniel decided to go home and offered Teal'c a ride. Sam however stayed for a little longer, she had no urge to get home this early. SG-1 was off-duty for the next 48 hours so she had some time to relax, a situation she'd never been good at.

"So tell me, Carter," O'Neill said sitting down on a chair opposite to her with a new beer in his hand. "How does it feel to live like an anthropologist for a few days."

Sam smirked. "Well, Colonel, it's something I can refrain from for the next time."

Taking a sip of his beer he looked at her for a few moments. "I'm happy you can show your face again without being stoned to death."

Sam shrugged in approval. "It's such a strange culture, so different and… old fashioned. Both in their customs and their clothes." She made a pause. "Though the last thing you seemed to like."

A strange look fell on O'Neills face, it was a mixture of joy and shame. "What can I say, it was something different to the usual clothes you wear."

Sam frowned at him. It was unusual talk of him. Most of the time they were together they were working and she wore her usual army clothes. Why would he want to see her in different clothes?

"I had never worn something more inconvenient. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, I couldn't do anything in it," she protested.

"Maybe it was just the color that made me like it. It suited you and… er…" He looked at her eyes and quickly averted his eyes as if he was embarrassed of what he had in mind..

Sam gazed at the glass of water in her hand. Did he just compliment her eyes? He had complimented her back then on that planet, too, he had called her by her first name, Samantha, and even if it had a sarcastic undertone back then it sounded good in her ears.

"You and Daniel, you said me in the dress was… 'me'. Did you really think so? Because I can't think of anything else that is less me than that fuzzy piece of smelling fabric."

He raised his shoulders and shot her another look. "You won't have to dress like that again."

Sam leaned back and sighed. "I know. Thank God."

There was a little break were both thought about how to continue their conversation. The sun was gone by now and Sam began to get a little cold. She left her jacket at home since she didn't expected herself to stay that long. However she didn't want to leave yet, something held her back here in his presence.

"Are you cold?" The colonel asked as if he had read her mind.

"A little, but it's okay. I think I won't stay for long anyway."

She thought she saw a trace of disappointment in his eyes but it was gone a second later and she wasn't sure if she just imagined it.

"Let me get you a jacket," he said and went inside only to come back three seconds later with one of his coats in his hand. "It might be a bit big for you but it'll be warm alright." He put the jacket around her shoulders and sat down again.

Sam thanked him with a smile and slipped into the warm jacket, still feeling his hands on the parts he swiftly touched. The coeat smelled just like him and although it was a bit baggy around her figure she felt homelike immediately.

"You know," she began. "Those days on that planet gave me a lot to think about." She said fidgeting with the zipper of the coat.

"How so?" he asked, looking at her.

Avoiding his eyes she continued talking. "The way women are treated there. It was the same here on Earth not that long ago and it's still the same in some parts."

O'Neill nodded, his eyes focused on her hands that were still playing with the zipper. She stopped eventually when she noticed that he was watching her motions.

"I wasn't allowed to move or to talk at the times I wanted to, I had to follow all his orders."

"I give you orders too."

"That's different." Sam finally looked up and their eyes met. "I know you and it's a completely different situation. You don't see me as an object you can trade, you wouldn't hit me in the face because I spoke, would you?"

"Of course not, Carter. I wouldn't hit you anywhere. And by the way, it was weird enough to trade you back for gold."

"At least Abu wanted to trade me for another woman." Sam mumbled, thinking of the young girl that almost fell victim to her father's rage.

"You know, Moughal offered to repay the price of you after his son kidnapped you." Jack shook his head. "As if someone could put a price on you." He seemed to realize what he just said and cleared his throat. "I mean… it's impossible to… er… you're invaluable… to the team."

Sam smiled and looked at her hands. "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate you getting me out of there."

"Nobody gets left behind. Remember?"

They looked each other in the eyes for a few seconds until Sam gazed away over the lawn. "It was humiliating, you know? Being diminished onto your appearance, your "beauty". It was as if I weren't a real human being. Just an object one could use for pleasure."

There were a few things that lay on her chest which she would love to get rid of but she wasn't sure the Colonel was the right person. She quickly looked at him, sitting there nonchalantly in the chair, sipping his beer, the features of his face growing darker as night fell onto them. The way Turghan had treated her still ashamed her. There was not much she had been able to do to stop him, she knew she would have payed with her life if she had continued to reject his orders. She had to give in a bit, she had to let him work his way.

"Are you okay, Carter?" O'Neill asked, he must have seen that something was bothering her. "Something you wanna talk about?"

Sam shook her head slowly. "No, Sir, it's fine. I guess I'm just… it's been a long week."

"Don't over think that mission. We did a good job, _you_ especially. You empowered those women, you helped that girl escape her crazy dad and you might have changed everything for the women there." He looked at her with pride in his eyes.

"I could have done more," Sam objected.

"Like what?" O'Neill asked.

"I didn't have to give in in front of Turghan."

The colonel looked at her in disbelief. "C'mon, Carter. That man was crazy and you showed him very clearly what women can do."

"I could have started it earlier. I let him use me like his other wives."

"As far as I'm informed he would have killed you right there if you had strained his patience any more. Don't worry about him or what you could've done better. You helped them more than we can probably imagine and we'll check in with them in sometimes to see how they're doing."

"But with an only male team," Sam reminded him with a smile.

Jack smirked. "Well, we will see. A lot of things have changed."

"I should get going." Sam said after another pause, got onto her feet and turned to the steps. Behind her she heard him getting out of the chair and following her to the car. She turned around and saw him contemplating her.

"Thank you, Sir, I feel better now." she told him with a smile.

O'Neill smiled back. "Drive safely," he said and watched her getting into the car.

Starting the engine she noticed that she was still wearing his jacket. She slipped out of it and rolled down the passengers window, he was still standing in the same spot. "Sir, your jacket." She reached the coat over to the seat to the open window. For a moment his fingers brushed over the back of her hand as he took the coat and quickly she retreated her hand, confused about the touch. "See you soon, Sir." she said and waved shortly.

He just nodded, the jacket still in his hand. As she drove away she observed him in the driving mirror. He stand there for another few seconds inspecting the coat as if she left some sort of trace on it. She remembered the smell of it, a fresh, earthy note mixed with the colonel's aftershave. It felt so warm and comfy and she wouldn't mind keeping it. What a weird thought that entered her mind. Why did she think so much about that simple piece of cloth he lent her?

It had been a nice evening, she liked the company of her teammates and of colonel O'Neill, he was a man she looked up to, a man who treated her the way she deserved. Of course she had to follow his orders, of course he, too, could tell her to shut up but he would never do it to restrict her rights. He would never hit her, never force himself on her. She shuddered thinking about Turghan back on the planet. His hard lips on hers, his rough hands in her hair and on her body, touching parts that weren't allowed for him, weren't allowed for anybody but the person she loved and trusted and where the feelings were mutually. There had not been no such person since things broke up with Jonas Hanson and since she started in the SGC it was highly unlikely to find someone with all the work she was doing. For now all she needed was to focus on her work and her career, it was the highest priority and nothing should interfere with that.


	2. Hanka

Cassandra was playing with her new dog, Daniel accompanied her and together they tried to find a name for the dog. Daniel suggested Anubis since the Egyptian God was often depicted with a jackal head but Teal'c turned that idea down with the striking argument that Anubis had been a cruel system lord and Cassandra didn't want to name her dog after some evil false god.

Sam sat down on a park bench, watching her teammates and the girl that, although she knew only a few days, was already close to her heart. She reminded her of her niece and nephew whom she hadn't seen in a long time. They weren't as big as Cassandra was now but they soon would be. The colonel, who was now pushing Cassandra on a swing while Daniel and Teal'c looked after the dog, met Sam's eyes, said something to Teal'c who now took his place and strode over the grass towards her.

"Carter, won't you play with us?" he asked jokingly and flopped himself next so Sam on the bench. "I did, just two minutes ago" she answered, eyes fixed on the girl with the flaming red hair.

"She's safe here," the Colonel said, following her view. "Fraiser will look after her and you're never far away. I bet she'd loved it if you stopped by sometimes. She'll probably show you all the new tricks the dog has learned."

Sam smiled. "Does he have a name yet?" she asked.

"Not yet. I hope she doesn't let Daniel talk her in to some Greek God's name. "

With a grin Sam turned to him. "It's very nice of you to give her this present."

O'Neill shrugged. "Well, you know, she's all new here and until she goes to school she will have a friend at her side."

"I hope she acclimates soon. She has seen far too much for her age. But you're right..." Sam wasn't able to finish the sentence because Cassandra came running to her.

"Sam!" Cassandra called. "Sam! I found a name!"

Panting she stopped and beamed at Sam.

"A name for the dog? What is it?" Sam asked.

Now Cassandra seemed unsure. "I want to call him… I mean… Can I call him Hanka?" She looked at the two adults.

Sam swallowed and took Cassandra's hand into hers. Hanka had been the name of Cassie's home planet.

"It is your dog, Cassie, you can name him whatever you want." Sam explained

"As long as it's not one of Daniel's God's," O'Neill tossed in.

Sam looked Cassandra in the eyes. "Do you really want to name him Hanka?"

Cassandra nodded. "Yes. I… I… miss home and now he will remind me of that."

Sam lifted Cassandra onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her. "I think it is a wonderful name."

Cassandra beamed again and hugged Sam tightly but a second later she jumped back on her feet. "I have to tell him!" She exclaimed and ran to Daniel who squatted on his haunches petting the dog.

A few moments Sam looked after her until she noticed that O'Neill's eyes were fixed on her. She looked questioningly at him.

"You could've adopted her yourself," he said with a strange look on his face as if he was imagining something beautiful.

Sam denied his statement with a shake of her head. "I wouldn't be a good mom for her. She needs someone who is there for her and who can take care, someone who isn't at work all the time."

"Fraiser is at work all the time," O'Neill noted.

"I know," Sam admitted. "But that's different. She doesn't go off-world all the time. Plus, I'm not ready to have children yet." She looked at him and quickly turned her eyes away, it felt strange talking to him about this topic. She knew that he had been a father, he had a son who was gone now. "I… I need to focus on my career for now." She looked at her hands and suddenly felt thrown back to the evening when she and the colonel last talked like this, the first team evening they had.

"Kids don't stand in the way of your career." O'Neill told her. "Especially in the SGC. You wouldn't loose your job or something… You can always take a break… not that I want you out of the team, on the contrary…" He cleared his throat and the conversation fell victim to an uncomfortable silence.

Sam watched the small group around the dog which now bore the name "Hanka", Janet had joined them and peered over to where Sam and the Colonel were sitting, waving swiftly, then turning away.

"Janet will be a better mother for Cassie than I could ever be. She has more experience, she has a good handling with people, she's… she's great." She looked at O'Neill and smiled lightly. For her the time to have children hasn't come yet. She wondered how O'Neill was feeling regarding Cassandra. Her situation was the opposite of what he had experienced. In his case his son had died and as a consequence his wife had left him whereas Cassandra had lost her parents, her friends and her whole world.  
What Sam had learned was that after the death of Charlie O'Neill's world came tumbling down, leaving him in a kind of depression he managed to get out of after he started again at the SGC. She couldn't help but wondering if O'Neill, should the opportunity occur again, would have kids again. She imagined him as a wonderful father, caring, funny, playing with the children, cuddling them, having breakfast in bed with his whole family on Sunday's…

When she looked at him she could see a series of different emotions in his brown eyes within a few moments: pain, internal struggle, happiness, sorrow, the knowledge of something that was missing, and hope. For a moment Sam felt as if the colonel had been an open book, she had never seen so much of him, and now it was gone again. They rarely spoke about personal things and basically never about family plannings or their past.

"I'm gonna say hi to Hanka," Sam finally said and broke the eye contact, noticing that Janet was watching them again.

"I'll join you," he answered and together they got up and walked to the small group of friends. Janet shot Sam a look that was asking: What is going on? But Sam pretended not to see it and simply got down to Cassie to say hi to her new furry friend.


End file.
